Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
pray to the hookup gods
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
