Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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