It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We have so much sex to catch up on
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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