im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize