All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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