We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This house was built for laser tag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
