yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
