I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
