Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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