if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
