He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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