margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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