There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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