I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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