"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
