Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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