It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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