How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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