What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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