This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My bed smells like the plague
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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