from now on my penis is your penis
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
