I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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