Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
