I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
