hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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