If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
