Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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