it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize