Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
