I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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