I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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