I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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