get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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