Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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