Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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