4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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