goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
