my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
