Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
