Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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