"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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