The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
