glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
