yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
