he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
