Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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