She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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