it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
