the condom got lost in my hair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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