at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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