He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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