this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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