I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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