Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
