I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you still have your period?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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