Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
