if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
