i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
