I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
