I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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