You smell like stripper and shame
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
