Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish my penis had an off switch
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
