I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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