I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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