is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
