Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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