I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Im part way to drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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